wait... all I want in life is a Great Gatsby Party...
- Me: We had a Great Gatsby party, but I was too lazy to put together a twenties outfit, so I was just the green light. I had a tank top that said, "I'm the American Dream" and green tights.
- Drew: We had a.... beer party? With beer?
The strange realties of living in Boston during the terror that was last week combined with being very ill and feverish (i.e. just feeling like shit but not terminal by a longshot && lots of pain drugs) have made me think of the surrealness of death. & what I have thought the most about was how much a love a mothahfuckin’ pahhtyy. Here is what I care about if I pass away in the near future:
1) The memomorial:
- I want a make your own bloody mary bar w/ pickled jalepenos and fancy hot sauces (also some classy vodka— none of that rubinoff shit). Also a champagne fountain with freshly squeezed OJ for make your own mimosas. Let’s be real everyone should be a little bit tipsy and a little bit weepy — I am half Irish after all.
- Everyone should be dressed in black none of this celebration of life jeans and t bullshit. I want everyone to look a little bit sexy. Dress code: Mourning Widow who is disrespecting the family by attending the wake & motherfucking suits. If what your wearing seems a little too short or a little to tight. good. But not both please… let’s keep it classy.
2) Rules: -no nose drugs, Mr.FP is png, no puking, no jeans
Also: I would really highly appreciate if huevos rancheros or plantains were consumed post memorial.
Men these days need to grow the fuck up.
Exhibit a) A grown man who can’t seem to wake up in time to drive himself and the women he carpools to work on time. Thusly jeopardizing my job security.
Exhibit b) Snorting cocaine, molly, participating in the “Edward forty-hands” challenge, and smoking mad blunts in the course of several hours. All while knowing how much doing these things upsets me.
Exhibit c) Don’t flirt with me if you have a girlfriend.
Exhibit d) Street harassment is never a compliment. AND NO YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF ME.
Exhibit e) And most of all, if you really hurt someone who you used to
allegedly pretend to care about would it kill you to apologize. It’s been months since we’ve spoken and I know that you don’t care. All I want for my birthday is an apology.
#IGIVEUP #FUCKEM #FOREVERALONE